I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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