I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
