saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
