dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
