I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's the barista slut.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
