Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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