Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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