so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
