She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
