are you still at the devil's house?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
