He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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