Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
