Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
