Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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