I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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