the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
