Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
