I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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