I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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