My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
