did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize