Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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