Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
