I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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