I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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