You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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