laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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