i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
