so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
