we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
