I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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