Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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