Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
try to milk me bitch
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