it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize