tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
