I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
