The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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