FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
