Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
