It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
