Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
