I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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