I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
