i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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