nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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