I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
