Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
