so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
