She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
