I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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