i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
