3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
