I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
