forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
