I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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