i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
