I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
