please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
