from now on my penis is your penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
