Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize