Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
