He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
