Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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