you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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