good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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