I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
