...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
