oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
