We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize